Saturday, January 29, 2005

I used to be very excited about the prospect of paying bills online. At first thought it seemed to be a very easy option, just click and pay, right?

Well, I have been working at this new technology for several months now and I must admit, it is a pain in the ass! Between the countless different usernames, passwords, log ins, account numbers and security questions, I am finding myself needing a special file to organize my new easy way to pay my bills.

This morning I spent the last 2 hours deciphering two of my accounts NEW and REVISED websites. Ok, just when I thought I got a grip on it they changed everything on me. So I spent some time adjusting to the new look and feel of my auto insurance site but by the time I went to pay my phone bill I felt like I just spent the last 45 minutes in a mundane lecture on the uses of paper clips in modern society. I mean come on, isn't it possible to stream line these networks. Lets all agree that a login ID should be called a USERNAME, and that is can comprise of numbers and letters, whatever works best for the individual. The last thing I want to be told is that my username has to be comprised of a specific number of letters and cannot have any numeric values. What if my favorite USERNAME is composed of the the first name of my favorite fuck buddy plus his dick size (ie josh8.5 or david7thick) But some sites do not permit a combination of letters and numbers and others do. Here in lies my issue. I am forced to creat a few different usernames for different sites and therefore I am needed to create a filing system to organize all these codes and numbers, oops I mean names ( since I can not use numbers).

I think I am just going to stick with writing checks the old fashioned way. I will save my creative usernames and passwords for aol chat.

Friday, January 28, 2005

When did accepting love become so challenging?

Turning 33 and a few my friends are planning a birthday party to celebrate the occasion. Initially, I felt blessed and loved, nurtured and cared about, but over the last few days something strange has occurred. The notion of a group of people coming together to share drinks, some nibbley things, torch some candles on a cake and serenade me is a lil un-nerving.

Whats the big deal, Kevin?

Good question. I think a big part of it comes from my own inability to accept my life as it is. I am going to be 33 years this week and I am grateful for my life and all my accomplishments. I have prevailed leukemia and a brain hemorrhage; that alone is a great accomplishment. But I still feel myself comparing my life by the standards I see in others.

Is comparing my life to others helpful?

HELL! NO! So I am making a consorted effort to release that form of thinking from my thought process. I will celebrate my life with my friends this weekend and accept all the good natured gestures openly. Admittedly this may not be an easy task for me to accomplish but my intention is to accept it with gratitude.

So when did accepting love become so challenging?

Somewhere between feeling love and feeling heart break.