When did accepting love become so challenging?

Turning 33 and a few my friends are planning a birthday party to celebrate the occasion. Initially, I felt blessed and loved, nurtured and cared about, but over the last few days something strange has occurred. The notion of a group of people coming together to share drinks, some nibbley things, torch some candles on a cake and serenade me is a lil un-nerving.

Whats the big deal, Kevin?

Good question. I think a big part of it comes from my own inability to accept my life as it is. I am going to be 33 years this week and I am grateful for my life and all my accomplishments. I have prevailed leukemia and a brain hemorrhage; that alone is a great accomplishment. But I still feel myself comparing my life by the standards I see in others.

Is comparing my life to others helpful?

HELL! NO! So I am making a consorted effort to release that form of thinking from my thought process. I will celebrate my life with my friends this weekend and accept all the good natured gestures openly. Admittedly this may not be an easy task for me to accomplish but my intention is to accept it with gratitude.

So when did accepting love become so challenging?

Somewhere between feeling love and feeling heart break.