I do? I think...a dream I had last night.

Janet proposed to me and I accepted. It was her big day and I stepped back and let her make all the preparations for the wedding. There was something about the upcoming affair that didn’t seem right to me but I continued to support her. She was beautiful after all I would be a fool to deny her. My only responsibility was to dress myself, get the tuxedo. That was easy enough since my good friend had purchased a tuxedo for me last year for a fundraising event. Everything was working out fine for the wedding which meant I could focus on moving. At this point I had boxed up, wrapped and packaged all my belongings. They were all in storage conveniently located in the basement of the church.

The big day was here and Tony was on my mind. The beautiful blond athlete from high school that Janet held a torch for, well and so did I. I knew he would be there and I was excited to see how our coming together would work out. I mean coming together as Husband, Wife and Husband. Yes, it’s true. Janet had proposed to both of us. We would ALL be consummating the relationship on our wedding night. I could not help but think that poor Janet would be left all alone in the bridal bed of passion that night. But those thoughts were for later. Right now I was running late; I had to find my tux. Ravaging through the storage boxes I was delighted to discover that the shirt, vest and jacket fit perfectly. I looked handsome so far. Oddly, my vest which I remembered to be jet black in color like the rest of my tux was colored pumpkin. It didn’t matter much to me. That would set me apart from Tony, the conservative husband-to-be and was sure to let him know that I would be playing a very special role for him in our new found union.

The time had come and I was being called for the ceremony. Just then I pulled on the tuxedo pants only to find that not only did they fit like a dream but they were made of green faux fur. Hmm, I did not remember my tuxedo being designed by Elton John. I scrambled through my storage closet with desperate attempts to find the matching pants. I was sure that Janet and Tony would rethink this arrangement if I showed up in green faux fur pants, a pumpkin colored vest with my tuxedo jacket. Luckily there was a men’s clothing store attached my storage unit and the manager scurried to fit me into a nice fitted pair of tuxedo pants. The ceremony was held up for a few minutes but Janet and Tony did not seem to mind.

The receiving line at the reception was very odd. I did not recognize anyone in the wedding part and strangely enough, Janet was nowhere to be found. But Tony and I grazed the buffet line together; smiling at another, serving another. I knew this would be a good arrangement when Tony automatically ladled gravy onto my mash potatoes.

Thank you, Tony!

Janet who?