When is it time to let go?

Over 3 weeks ago I met a guy from facebook. Both times we spent time together seemed a little magical. He was cute, courteous, respectful and engaging; conversation was never at a stalemate. He told me all the things I would want a guy to tell me on a first couple dates. He liked me, thought I was funny, cute and he even went as far to tell me he thought I was beautiful!

Beautiful! Now that is a big step in my book. When a gay man tells another man that he thinks he is beautiful that leads me to believe that he seems them for more than just their outer exterior. He is not just objectifying the meat suit; he is taking into account the whole person. Beauty is an adjective used to describe majestic landscape and personalities like Mother Theresa and Martin Luther King. Beautiful in my eyes is an awareness of a persons Spirit and Soul and that leads me to believe there is a higher connection. He called me beautiful. Now there has been one other time that a man called me beautiful and that did not turn out so well but learning from the past and not paralyzing myself from the past has been my focus. So I decided to accept his compliment with a smile and assumed that he was really into getting to know me.

So over the course of the 5 days after our last date I called once, texted him twice and emailed with absolutely no response or even recognition of my efforts to connect with him. Hmmmm, could this wonderful guy that seemed to have his shit together be just a new version of the same old crap I meet masked in a more polished and refined package? Did I somehow I fall prey to another man that gets off and telling me everything I want to hear and really meaning or believing a damn word of it?

Flash forward to a whole 7 days after our date. He spots me on facebook and decides to instant message, apologizing profusely and extending his concern that I might be upset with him for not connecting with me beforehand. Well of course I do not want to let on that I have been internally tortured by his lack of interest seeing that I felt a great connection with him and that he was someone very special that I wanted to get to know. We chatted for a few minutes online relieving him of his guilt for not picking up the phone.

But for me, running into me online and instant messaging me was not the type of effort I was hoping for. Yes it was nice, but if I had not signed on at that moment I might have never heard back from him. And I don’t think the beginnings of a dating situation should rely solely upon online interaction as the main form of getting to know another, Call me crazy but I want more; a phone call, a coffee date, cuddle time, a walk in the park. I want face to face time where we both have to make plans to see another.

So instead of torturing myself of the man that he “could” be in my life I decided to accept him for the man he was; a really great date that I would love to see again but would no longer question his motives and just let it be. I deleted his phone number from my cell to stop myself from calling again since that tactic in the past produced no response and I moved on. I guess he is just not that into me. It happens.

But I did need some closure. So a week ago I sent him one last email. It said…

“I really enjoyed spending time with you and I would like to do it again. If you feel the same way, call me.”

And I left my number in case he lost it! (Preparing for all possibilities of why he never returned my call in the first place)

It felt good to be honest and upfront. I said my peace and I was able to move on. After 3 days I gave up and let it go. Decided it was time to accept the fact that he was not interested and for whatever reason told me he was but in reality was not really. But surprisingly after a full 7days from that email I get an email from him telling me how sorry he is that it took so long to get back to me. He wanted to know what my schedule was next week because he was going out of town and would not be back until then and would like to see me. He promised to call me so we could make plans and hoped I was doing well.

So when is it really time to let go? Maybe my habit of jumping into relationship and opportunities is biting me in the ass right now because this experience has certainly made me think that I am super needy.

I still stick to my guns on the phone call part. I do not think that an instant message is anyway near the same message to someone as taking the time out to dial the phone, hear their voice and spend some quality time talking.

I am not going to let this one guy for awhile, I am learning a lot from his snail pace. I am not going to sit on the sofa and wait for him, but the voodoo doll can still in the closet for now.